Jokes

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing weekend at Skiatook Lake. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,"Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?" "Reading my book," she replies, thinking isn't that obvious? "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?" "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you do have all the equipment." MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.

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One day James was out fishing and was not having any luck at all, he tried lures, worms and other types of bait and was just not catching anything. Whitney was fishing about 20 feet from him and was catching fish as fast as she cast her line out. James was getting very jealous of this show off, so he asked Whitney what she was using for bait. The woman said " I am using worms, but I dip them in whiskey" James got really interested in this technique so he asked Whitney if he could try one of these drunk worms. Whitney had no problem with this request so she handed James one of the worms. James placed the worm on the hook and cast out no sooner than his hook hit the water, His pole began to bow like crazy, he set his hook and started to reel it in. Once he got his catch up to the shore he noticed that the worm had the fish by the throat.

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A fish goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation. Patti looks at the fish in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The fish says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the fish says that his name is Rainbow Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The fish says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain fly rod and reel, about an inch long; detailed and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a fish named Rainbow Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny rod & reel. "I mean, what the heck is this??" The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick-knack, Patti Whack. Give the fish a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What a terrible weather today, honey." he said to her. "Yes. And my idiot went fishing!"

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Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy." "But why?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

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